beautifully messy

Hello 2014. I'm so happy to meet you and hope we are going to be friends. I've been writing epic emails for years and I'm finally going public. Here's my deal.

I'm just a girl from Kansas living and making things in Brooklyn. Trying to be a creative mom, wife, daughter, friend, entrepreneur and still feel like I've got some sass and my own identity. I love design and color, kids, dogs, whimsy, wit and wonder and try to infuse those into as much of my daily life as possible. That and a lot of sarcasm. Oh and laughter. Lots of laughter rather than tears. That helps. And lists. I LOVE lists. I make lists of lists. It's great. All this while mostly keeping it all together... or at least most things together... ok, I'm happy with just some things together. Ok, not really. I want all things together all the time but that's just unrealistic so I'm trying something new: Letting go of control and needing things to be and look a certain way. I'm just going to enjoy the ride. Being open to success and failure and holding them in the same regard. Being ok with being messy. Out loud. Being openly vulnerable. I hate clutter but I have a ton of it. Visual and mental. There. I said it.

So about this blog. My grandma, Junie Lou (who had 8 kids, yikes!) used the phrase "All Whopper-jawed" to describe when things were off kilter or twisted...somewhat askew in some weird way. As in: when you wake up in the morning and your pajamas are all twisted around and hiked up your leg, the crotch seam of your pants isn't centered on your body yet you've got crazy camel toe and your shirt is so out of whack it's restricting your breathing. You know that situation, right?! Yeah, that's All Whopper-jawed. A little off, a little silly. Kinda sad. Kinda funny. Mildly disturbing if you let it be.

I've come to use this endearing term for just about every situation and phase of my life. I am All Whopper-jawed pretty much indefinitely now that I have 2 kids. Fully infused in the phrase is a heavy dose of love, humor and sarcasm and I think that is the key to an extraordinary life. Not money, not fame but the courage to be real and vulnerable and put it out there. And then laugh at it. Or don't. Just really have that full experience and move on. It's messy and beautiful all at the same time and I work everyday to embrace it. Some days are hilarious. Some are treacherous. Some are truly amazing and others just pass unnoticed. Regardless, they go by really freaking fast. I choose to be present to them all, good and bad. Learn as I go and remember that they happened.

That's the thing with life. It just keeps going until it doesn't. Life with kids is BUSY and FULL ON. And the days get bogged down with getting to this event or making this meal or packing for this trip or this or that or the other... then you look back and say, man I wish I hung out with my mom more or could remember exactly when Tudor took her first step, shoulda written that down. Being present and in that very moment is a huge challenge. Making time for leisure seems like an impossibility. Slowing down is just a gargantuan idea floating out in the "I should do that" clouds. But I should. I need to. So, this year, I will.

It's January 2nd 2014 and this blog is my attempt to capture this year of my life with my kids, husband, friends and family. To slow down and make more moments with all of them. It's a record. Of the things I like and don't like, that are too crazy to dream up but happen, the cute and weird things my 3.5 year old says or amazingly frustrating or enlightening things she does and the next year of completely new things for my 6 month old. It will be all over the place. And that will be ok. Cuz that's me. It's scary but it will all be ok. As Rafiki from the Lion King (one of Tudor's faves) says, "It is time."