Whatever works.

I love this color combo... maybe I need to redo a room in my house like this... Lil Big Sass named the finished doll Dahnsk... and I think that could be a great name for a line of home goods.... hmmm.

So, I posted on my facebook status that I was back up and running making dolls and to hit me up with a custom order and before I knew it I got 2 orders... and more have come in since. Pretty crazy and encouraging that if I miraculously had the time to put my full focus and attention to getting these out there to the masses, I might, just might have a chance at bringing them to life on a grand scale. That would be amazing because I absolutely love making them. Everything from choosing the fabrics and color combos to sewing up those cute long legs or special horns to giving personality through the face. When I turn them right side out it's such a satisfying moment. And with every one I create I learn something new that I can use to create the next one. How to do a stitch better or handle the shoelace cleaner or even how to secure them better or FASTER! Faster is key because honestly, what I charge for them really doesn't cover the labor of making them but I figure I'll figure that out eventually. Right now, I just want to make them and know that they are going all over to make kids (big and small) smile. It's kinda awesome.

Lil Big Sass (aka LBS) named this one Bodah! Here she is gettin' made atop LBS's layered art.

So one of the coolest things that's happened is that people from my distant past are contacting me to make these guys for them and with each one I make, I take a stroll down memory lane. It's been amazing for me... especially on these incredibly challenging snow and ice days when I'm stuck inside with a screaming baby and rambunctious preschooler. One order came from a friend from my bartending days. Yep. I was a bartender and it was really awesome! It was actually at the bar that was filmed in the movie There's Something About Mary. But of course, that happened like 2 weeks before I started and was the only time anything exciting like that happened there. But still. That was an awesome gig. I only worked on Sundays... and they had an outdoor bar and terrace that opened onto the water. So tipsy post-brunchers would come hang out, not get unruly and tip big. It was in the biggest little (R.I.) and I seriously paid my rent off of my 1 day a week bartending gig. Wow. Those were the days.

I had great conversations. Crazy. But great. And the most interesting people worked and drank there. It was while I was in college and for a couple of years after. I decided to go to bartending school on the weekends literally because I thought if I had to talk about art or worse... DESIGN with one more student I'd blow my brains out. I had to get out and meet non designers. Funny enough, I think that's where I learned how to be happy actually. Ha. In a bar. That's funny. No, but really. I saw a lot there. A lot of sadness. A lot of loneliness. A lot of happiness. A lot of true friendship and undying camaraderie. A lot of people making things work for them. I didn't realize it until recently... maybe even as I'm typing this epiphanies are coming. I saw a lot of what I wanted and didn't want and that helped me move through to attain some goals for myself. But more interesting and poignant is the part about seeing people making things work for them. I think about that a ton now. When I was all naive and in school and in the world is my oyster phase, I looked at some of the longtime bartenders who had other jobs too or were single moms and I wondered why they were still bartending. It seemed like something you do for a while and get on with things... because it's not an easy job. And depending on your shift, it can be downright grueling. Let's just start with standing on your feet for 8 hours or whatever your shift is with wet hands in cold ice and fielding impatient people 3 deep at your bar who are rude a lot of the time. That's intense on it's own but then there's all the other stuff. It can take patience, laughter, humor, intelligence, empathy, energy, consideration, vulnerability, love, guidance, courage, discipline, a fast tongue, thick skin and wit.. among so many other things to get through the night. Drunk people are a lot like babies, toddlers and even preschoolers. Many of them cry. Many of them whine. Many of them act erratic. Many of them scream or push or fight or cast angry and hurtful words your way. Many of them try to outsmart you or worse screw you over without considering the repercussions. They are irrational and raw. Emotions fly with reckless abandon which is really beautiful and treacherous all at the same time. Many times it's heart breaking. Yet other times it's full of joy and a happiness that you don't see when people have their guards up. Sometimes you see all the flaws that make that person superhumanly amazing. I didn't really get it then, except to say that I LOVED that job. I loved that bar. I loved those people. I craved going there and when I wasn't working, I would sometimes just go and hang. It was fun and felt safe to be with friends like that. The only other place I loved as much was in the studio late a night when everyone was busting ass to get their project done and instead of competing with one another, everyone just pitched in to make sure we all made it to the crit with awesome shit in the morning. Whatever it took. Actually a lot of the time I was at the bar I wasn't drinking so it wasn't that. It was an escape but not that kind. I mean I definitely wasn't a drinker at all when I started. I had my bartending flip book behind the bar that I would have to look up drinks in but there was a mirror behind me so I was always worried the customers could see me. In my first week a regular customer ordered a dirty Martini and I proudly served him up a very tart Margarita! He sent it back and I made the same thing... another more seasoned bartender had to fix it and fix me... ha. I'd be a way better bar tender now. At least as far as the quality of my drinks go. I know my way around various liquors by now... then I had no idea where to look on the shelf for Brandy or Scotch or Whiskey or even what they tasted like or why anyone would ever drink that... unless you add Coke of course. These days, I love me a good Whiskey based concoction...well a sip here and there until I'm done with this ridiculous breastfeeding. That is another post altogether, friends.

This is what our bar lineup looks like these days...

Regardless of how well I whipped up a drink (which got way better over time by the way) I was a fan favorite because I liked the vibe. I liked to talk. I liked to shoot the shit and giggle and just have fun. It was so light then for me. But back to the single moms and people who had full time jobs during the week and still came to weekend shifts. Back then, I wondered why. Why would a single mom be a bartender? And now I know. And it's brilliant. Because it afforded her a way to be with her kids in the daytime and still support them. She worked night shifts. I mean really. It was brilliant. She experienced the best part of her kids, and then went to work while they slept. And she was awesome. Now her kids are grown, she's a teacher and she still has bar shifts. I would love for my kids to have her as a teacher. She taught me a ton that she doesn't even realize. And the others who worked fulltime jobs that paid amazing amounts and still came a did a weekend shift. It was for the friendships. A place of belonging and really letting loose and having some fun. It was really a fun place. I miss it a lot. I miss that kind of outlet and that kind of connection.

Just hanging out cozy and casual together... Bodah and Dahnsk shippin' out to make the lil girls giggle.

When I first started at the Hot Club (Yes, the Hot Club and no I didn't take my clothes off),  a bunch of bartenders pooled together and rented a house on Martha's Vineyard for a couple of weeks in the summer. It was basically a rotating door of employees and customers, all friends throughout the whole time and it again was awesome. I hadn't been working there long when they did it and off-handedly offered for me to go. At that time in my life, everything was a why the hell not kind of thing so I figured out how to get to Woods Hole and catch the ferry and gasp... be without my car... and it was really a great time. I had never done anything like tht before. We beached together, cooked together and all the booze were supplied by the bar. With each new car load of people came a trunk full of more booze. Crazy. I drank Mike's Hard Lemonade then. Yum. I was a bit of a lighter drinker.. ha. The next year I was the girlfriend of the manager and I went in on renting the house and again it had a rotating door. That went on for several summers... like 6 years or so. The woman who just ordered dolls was one of the other core house founders. My (obviously) ex-boyfriend's best friend. She has a darling lil munchkin now and another on the way but bought the dolls for a friend across the country with two little girls because she said she thought they'd be something cool and different. I think that's a huge compliment. She sent me a note once she got them saying that they are fantastic and so well made and that I've always done great work. That one sentence made me feel so good. On a day when I really needed it. Someone from long, long ago remembers me as someone who puts time and effort into things and produces things of quality. And that I delivered that again all these years later. That I care.

The details make the difference.

Dahnsk is such a dapper dude...

I dunno... I started this with the intent of talking about the process of making creatures... (look for that in another post!) and I've just been writing as it comes to me. Funny how it's shaped up. I love making these dolls. I'd love these to be my 'bartending' gig that let's me be with my kids and also make a living. I haven't figured it out yet but I'm working on it because it's so clear all of a sudden that we all just do what we can to make it work. It's not perfect or smooth or even fully planned out but somehow it organically comes about and we figure it out so that it works for us. And it probably doesn't look a thing like we pictured it looking. How could we even begin to imagine what reality would look like with small children. There is just no way to fathom it until you are in it... even if you've been around a ton of kids. When they are yours, it's just a completely different ballgame. So I'm just gonna let go of that ever present, action swallowing need to be tied to the way it looks and make shit happen. Today, when I'm in the trenches desperately working to figure out how to balance kids, work, fulfillment, self identity, joy and the need to cover my bills...and not go back to a job I hated but was good at and made a decent living doing, this gives me hope to push on and just keep keepin' on, knowing it's taking me somewhere. Whew. Thank God she ordered those dolls and thank God I remembered that job...it seriously shifted me from trying to do it all and feel miserable when I can't take it all on to being ok with admitting that I need support. And that looks just fine if it works for us all.

Feeling content as I head off to bed...